f.e.a.r.

i've been told that a good acronym for FEAR is false expectations about reality. i woke up this morning feeling fearful about gavin's future and what kind of progress he is really making. tracee and i prayed on the way to the hospital this morning as our normal routine is for us to carpool and drop her off and then for me to head on to work from there. the Bible is so clear that there is a supernatural and spiritual world/realm that is going on all around us that so often we aren't aware of. from time to time i find myself getting attacked with anxieties and fears and try hard to quickly pull my mind out of those dark places. truth be told, gavin is showing signs of doing well from the reports we get from the dr's and nurses. that truth, sometimes, has a difficult time reaching my heart and mind. he has sick lungs still and the feedings that they have re-introduced into his body are slowly making their way through his bowels but he really needs to poop! as a daddy, and more importantly as a statistics guy, i get obsessed by the numbers and the stats. this is why i love my wife so much because she is the balance i need; to be with gavin at times like this when i get unsure. i got a message from a friend this morning saying "know that you guys are being prayed for, even at times when you can't bring yourself to pray. we have faith and hope on gavin's behalf, even when you guys feel despair. praying for peace for you today."
i was so encouraged by this. i needed this. so, i thank you all for doing this for us and for gavin, behind the scenes when we are unaware. i told tracee that i had heard that it takes about 60 days or so to form a new habit. we know that gavin will be in NICU probably up until his original due date of July 6th. that means that he will spend the first 3 months of his life away from us, but forcing us to pray and deepen our faith and go to God and to the Bible for answers. God is clearly forming new habits in tracee and i.
i have always struggled with fears and anxiety - on various levels. some have been warranted, others not, but regardless they have been there. this journey we are now on has changed my perspective on so many things and helped me try and take life more in stride. every little thing that happens isn't the end of the world!
on a very cool note, we had a realtor forum at work today and our president was in town to give the presentation to them about rates and programs, etc. she happened to mention that my wife had given birth to a 1 pound 3 ounce baby that we are so thankful for. a realtor who was sitting in front of me turned around and said "i've been praying for you guys!" she later confirmed that it was indeed gavin and went on to tell the room about him and how she knew about him and our story through a friend of hers that knows my mother-in-law Karen. what a small world! i felt so encouraged as she shared with me after the meeting that she sits at the computer and reads our story and prays for us. as her eyes began to fill with tears mine did too. some people will say that's just coincidence, but is it? i tend to lean towards God's provision and showing me in that moment that we are cared about and loved and that He continues to watch out for us. I hope this continues to bless you friends.

jeramy