Sunday, June 20, 2010

big day

i just realized it has almost been 10 days since we last posted. today is a special day for us. father's day and our 1st anniversary all packed into the same day this year! tracee and i had a wonderful chance to just relax and sort of unwind from all we have been dealing with. after all, gavin will be 11 weeks old tomorrow. he truly is a miracle and we can't lose sight of that. we still have to be faithful and remember to faithfully pray for gavin's lungs. they are bad. i mean, i guess it really gets put in perspective when they categorize his lungs as some of the worst lungs they have ever seen in the NICU. even though he has been moving in the right direction we have to remember that we still have a long way to go. he has been regressing a bit on CPAP and his oxygen requirements have been going up. i guess it's human nature to sort of ease up and relax and get to a point where you become content in your settings and adapt to your surroundings. but...we can't let up - we still have another 5-6 weeks to go and there is a lot of improvements that gavin needs to make before we can bring him home. it aches after time. we see babies come and go and while there is so much to celebrate there is so much for us to continue to ask for from our loving Heavenly Father on this very special father's day. pray for spiritual strength and tenacity to keep the faith and to remain in prayer and in the Word - that we may continue to learn from God during this time.
tracee and i had a wonderful time of celebration at dinner tonight for our multiple occasion celebration. she looked amazing and i am so thankful for her. she is the most amazing mom - i can't wait until she can display her skills full time! i am especially grateful to be a father and the wonderful life-long responsibility that comes with that. i have a son and that puts a huge smile on my face. a very happy father's day to all of you father's out there who read our blog - your position in the home and in your kids lives' is invaluable and integral to the family unit!
thank you thank you thank you to all who continue to support us in anonymous and known ways. we really couldn't press on and do this without you. we are looking ahead to the fact that we now have to move in about 5 weeks. not looking forward to it one bit, not gonna lie. in fact, i get tired just thinking about having to pack boxes and move. please pray for our move and a place for us to live.  if any of you know of a home for rent (at a great price) or of someone who needs someone to occupy their home for some reason, please let us know as we are actively searching. we have some areas that we are looking to be within but, we trust God to provide and to show us the perfect place for us to end up. after all....this is all a part of His plan even though it's hard for us to process it all right now!
just a thought: if it is ever hard for you to think about praying for us or to understand what we may be going through just imagine what it would be like to be without your child for a couple of days. how about a week? how about 2 weeks? how about a month? how about 2 months? how about 11 weeks? how about 16 weeks? when it is all said and done, barring a true miracle of complete healing, we will have gone without our child for 4 months. that's crazy pespective guys. that's crazy perspective for me and i'm going through it!!!
so please lift us up in prayer...we need it.


Friday, June 11, 2010

long awaited update

sorry for the delay! things are crazy in our lives as usual. jeramy is back working at alliance financial resources which is the mortgage bank he worked for previously - providing financing for people refinance or purchase new homes. it's been a difficult industry for some time now but they have some exciting programs (some that other banks don't have) and he is working hard to build up his realtor partners and client base again. if you are in the market to buy or refinance or have a friend etc. - let us know and you can help support us in that way!
ok, now that we got that out of the way - gavin has been receiving steroids for a couple of days now to get him off of the ventilator for good! he is now 3 pounds 11 ounces and steadily approaching 4 pounds. just to give you some perspective, he reached 2 pounds on 5/14! we are so proud of how gavin has been doing and it becomes more and more exciting to go and spend time with him each and every day. tracee spends a majority of her day with him and really knows all of the ins and out of who he is. we love that she gets to do that because no one knows him better! he has been in an open crib for a little bit now and has been doing an awesome job of keeping his temperature. he loves his big boy bed! please be in prayer that gavin will continue to ween on his oxygen needs and that he will continue to grow and develop. he received another head ultrasound earlier this week and everything looked the same as the last one. he also received another eye exam and there are still no signs of abnormalities with ROP and his blood vessels still haven't connected to the back of his head. pray that all of that continues to go well!
on another note - when it rains it pours. having a child in the NICU alone is enough to stress you out of your mind. well, for us, we just found out that we probably will have to be out of our place and move by august 1st. hmm...i think gavin is supposed to come home around the middle to end of july...what great timing!! not really. sense the sarcasm in my writing - we are so stressed about where we will go and what we will do - we just started thinking about that as of today. it's sad for us as we just planned/prepared/ and finished gavin's room and now he won't get to enjoy it. we spent time and money putting that together for gavin and at this point it's all for not. i've got to say that we are being pulled through the most difficult time in our lives. we are just about ready to celebrate our 1st year of marriage on june 20th and we have seen and experienced things that most couples might never see in their first 20 years of marriage, let alone life.  we tend to wonder quite a bit these days. as i mentioned earlier, gavin alone in the NICU is enough - but apparently we have other things to continue to go through. with the loss of tracee's income due to short term disability (they don't pay her for that) and the ups and downs of the commission world of mortgage things appear pretty uncertain. it's hard for us to make plans when we don't really have the confidence right now to know what we are doing. but...we do know that with God, sometimes things aren't always what they seem. we  have to place our trust in that right now and trust in Him to make a way. we are so drained on every level: financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically - that's just being real.  but...we will not lose hope. we will continue to act, as best we can, in the face of uncertainty.
we are so thrilled with gavin and his special life. he is our miracle and one of the most amazing blessing we have ever received. pray for us friends and followers. we're having a difficult time with the stresses of this life right now but trust that things are seasonl and for a time. we look forward to sharing many additional blessings with you in the future, we just need to encounter them!!!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

nursery - part 1

jeramy and i originally painted the nursery green (safari green). once gavin came into this world though, the color of his room didn't look right. it didn't seem to fit him. we wanted to do something classic and simple instead. this is obviously a big step for us in beginning to prepare for gavin coming home one day. it was really hard for us to get to the point where we felt confident about his progress. the doctors, especially during the first month and a half, never mentioned anything about him coming home one day. i know that things can change at any moment and when gavin was in such critical condition, the last thing they wanted to do was give us false hope. however, we now feel so confident that he will come home with us one day. when?? well, that we don't know yet. we thank God every day for the progress that gavin is making and we know that without Him, none of this would be possible. it is with great joy and anticipation that we now begin the early stages of getting our house ready for our little boy.

we decided to go with blue on the top. the color is called "crystal waters"'s absolutely precious. the bottom is an antique white and is called "ivory mist". my brother in law ryan, who is quite possibly one of the handiest men i have ever met, put up a wooden paneling as well. it looks exactly as i wanted. what do you think??

i will keep you all posted as things progress. next!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

3 pounds!

that's right!! gavin officially weighs 3 pounds today. they gave him another dose of lasics this afternoon while i was there because he does look a little puffy. one of the main reasons they give him lasics is to help with the fluid in his lungs. the lasics will help rid his body of any extra fluids. tentatively, they plan on giving him lasics (one dose) every few days. i say "tentatively" because, as you are all aware by now, things are very subject to change every day in the nicu. he is still stable on the ventilator, which is such a great sign since he has been off the steroids for quite sometime now.

their "plan" for gavin is to get him on to c pap in the next two weeks. their hope, and ours, is that once they get him there, that he will stay extubated and continue to make progress toward nasal canula (he can go home on nasal canula). because gavin is still requiring a moderate amount of oxygen on the ventilator, they may decide to do a short, two-day burst of steroids (our fourth round) right before they extubate him. obviously, our hope is that God intervenes for gavin and that he can show the doctors that he has enough strength to withstand the change and for his lungs to have the strength they need to breathe while on c pap. please pray along with us for that...

we started swaddle-holding gavin this week (i call it holding him like a "real" baby...ha ha). it is so different than kangarooing with him. the connection is so much better since we can see his face and he can "see" ours. here is a picture of jeramy holding gavin two nights ago....just precious!

the nurses all say how big he is getting, whenever they are off for a period of time, they come back and ask things like, "did that baby eat gavin?" we love his nurses. they are the best. every person in that nicu is the best. they save his life every day. how do you even begin to thank someone for that?

jeramy and i are doing well...i still cry every day (which is totally normal as a nicu mom). lately, i have had some happy tears, which is a nice change of pace. jeramy went back to work at his previous company, still working as a mortgage broker. our schedule is a little different now. i go to the hospital around noon and do his cares and sometimes hold him. i am usually there until around 4:00 and then i head home to start on dinner. jeramy gets off work around 6:30, we eat dinner and then head to the hospital for his cares at 8:00. we usually get home anywhere between 10 and 10:30. it usually makes for a pretty long day but it's definitely worth it.

as always, we thank you tremendously for your prayers, your love and support.

"for I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to not fear; I will help you."
Isaiah 41:13