a tiny glimpse

yesterday was a big day. everything started out great. gavin was a doing really well when i got there in the morning. i knew in the back of my head that if he had good blood gases and remained stable on c pap, i would get to hold him at 2:00 during his touch time (this would be my first time holding him). everything seemed to be going well with all of his stuff, except his blood gas, where his carbon dioxide levels were a lot higher than the doctors wanted. i knew that another blood gas was coming just before 2:00 and i had such high hopes that he would stabilize. aside from the reason of wanting to hold him, i wanted him to stabilize because he seemed so much more comfortable when he was extubated. he was able to lay on his tummy and his side and they took him off of the majority of the sedatives he was on, which also told me that he was more comfortable. well, around 1:00, he began desatting rather quickly. we knew that this was a possibility since he came off the steroids the night before. they had him at 100% oxygen and he was still desatting. i knew instantly that his little body just became too tired to keep breathing all by himself. it all happened so fast and my emotions definitely got the best of me. surprisingly, holding him was the last thing on my mind...all i could think about was him needing to be intebated once again and how bad i felt for him. i was so proud of my little guy for pushing so hard for 3 days all by himself. everyone was shocked he made it that long too! one of the neonatologists and nurse practitioners reintubated him, but had a hard time getting the size 3 tube in because he was swollen from the suctioning that they were doing trying to keep him on c pap if they could. amidst trying to intubate him, they needed to bag him in order to give his lungs enough air. that is, by far, the hardest thing to watch as a parent. the doctor ended up intubating him with a 2.5 sized tube. we could all still hear gavin making little squeaks around the tube, so he knew that once the swelling went down, he would need to reintubate him with a size 3. they gave gavin some sedation to calm him during this process and he was now stabilized. our nurse practitioner told me that i could still hold him while he was intubated. i was ecstatic!! i immediately called jeramy to have him come down to the hospital so he could be there to share the moment with me.

they do what is called kangaroo care, where they place the baby directly on the mother's chest. it is really good for the baby and it is really good for the mom too :) they got me situated in the recliner and transferred him from his incubator to my chest. they tucked him right inside my shirt. at first, i was really nervous because of all of the cords he has attached to him, as well as the tube in his mouth. i didn't want to move anything. right when i felt him, though, all of those anxieties immediately went away. jeramy got there right at that time, which was perfect! lindsay and his nurse got everything taped down where it wouldn't move and got his sats back up (when micro preemies transfer from their incubators to their moms/dads it is quite the ordeal). after about 5 minutes, jeramy and i got to enjoy some alone time with our son. the lights were off, the curtain was pulled and we were able to get a couple short videos of our time spent with him. i knew that gavin was small...one pound 9 ounces isn't huge after all. but once i had him on my chest, he felt even smaller and more fragile than i could have ever imagined. it was the most amazing feeling ever. he did so good...he was super calm and was so still. however, his tube had quite a large leak in it though, because it was too small, and as the swelling went down, he began desatting rather quickly. after about 10 minutes of kangaroo care, the nurse and nurse practitioner came in and i knew instantly that our time was done. they called quickly for the doctor to come to his pod and the nurse practitioner began bagging him while he was on my chest. he wasn't getting enough air in his lungs from the tube, or the bag, so they moved him in a VERY quick and scary way from my chest to his bed. instantly, people were all around him. they continued bagging him until the doctor came and reintubated him with a size 3 tube. jeramy and i cried a lot in the hall of the NICU, after what was a very scary and emotional experience. watching things change as quickly as they did was terrifying. we decided that, once they got gavin situated and stable, we would head home. it was a very rough day, but i caught a tiny glimpse of what it will be like when i can hold him for longer periods of time. depending on how he is doing, we should be able to hold him for an hour, every other day or two. we can't wait...
oh...and look how tiny his little hand is. that should give you a pretty good idea just how tiny this little guy really is...

i got to the hospital today and heard that they had to reintubate him once again because his tube was too high. it truly is never ending and a little bit of my heart breaks each time i hear about things that happen to him. we trust these nurses and doctors so much with our son though and i am so thankful for each and every one of them. today, however, i hit a breaking point. maybe it was everything that happened yesterday or my lack of sleep last night from having continual, detailed nightmares about what happened yesterday that i just couldn't escape from...i don't know. but i needed to come home and sleep or at least try to sleep.

please pray for us. every day is a struggle. every day we cry. every day we feel like we reach a point where we can't do it anymore. thankfully, however, in the moments where we feel like we really can't do it anymore, God gives us just enough strength for one more day. so pray for strength....we need it.

leaps and bounds

as you are all well aware, life in the nicu is all about living minute to minute. everything can and does change so fast. well, it appears to be doing just that...at least for now :)

gavin is the little mystery of the nicu! even though my doctors calculated my due date for july 6th, there has been a lot of debate about that date. the perinatologists, as well as the staff in the nicu believe that my date was more around the 18th. based on that, gavin was actually born at a little more than 24 weeks gestation. this also corresponds with how he looked when he was born based on his size, his eyes, his weight, his lung development, etc. at this point, no one knows, but they don't really use his "gestational age" in the nicu because they do not believe it is accurate. this makes him even more of a miracle!

on tuesday, gavin opened his eyes for the first time!!! i was so thrilled that i got to be there for that. it was so funny because at first he only opened his left one. his right one was still a little fused. by the end of the day, though, he was opening and closing both eyes! every time i see it, i feel more and more connected to him. the connection piece is so important to me because my head knows that i'm a mommy, but my heart doesn't yet...i can't explain how that feels exactly. there is nothing in my house at all, except an empty green room, that reminds me that i'm a mom. but i think i'm supposed to just "know" that i'm a mom. when i get in the car, there's no car seat, no crying. but i'm just supposed to "know" that i'm a mom. i carry my diaper bag to the hospital every day, but it just has my journal and a water bottle in it. but, again, i'm just supposed to "know" i'm a mom. the only place i go where i actually FEEL like a mom is right next to his bed. man, i can sit there all day. people always ask me if the days go by slow, or if i get bored. no way! see, all i can do to be a mom right now is to sit there. i don't know how to do anything else for him. if i'm lucky and if he's stable, i sometimes get to place my hand on him. if i'm really lucky, i get to help the nurse change his diaper or even wipe his little mouth. but that's it. so, i LIVE for those precious moments and i couldn't imagine being anywhere else. i wouldn't know how to be anywhere else. it's weird, because our house looks and feels the same it did before we got pregnant, yet we know that something has changed. we have a son now but do we really "have" him? no. we don't. amidst the uncertainty, i place all confidence in the Lord that, one day, we will have him and our house will feel different......i will feel different.....

jeramy and i knew from day one that a huge goal for gavin would be moving from the oscillator to the ventilator. since everything that had happened last saturday, we were told that this wouldn't probably be happening for some time. so, when the doctor came in yesterday and told me that he wants to look at moving gavin to the regular ventilator, i thought, "well, yeah...in due time that sounds like a plan to me too!" he stood there for awhile talking about gavin's sats to one of the nurse practitioners and i became increasingly interested in what they were talking about. i overheard him say, "go ahead and get the respiratory therapists and we'll make the switch". i stood up and said, "now? you're gonna switch him now??" i was in such a state of shock, i couldn't believe it. i called jeramy and he was in just as much shock as i was. we began praying and asking people to pray that his little lungs and body would be able to withstand the change and would be able to maintain proper oxygen levels. we didn't want to switch back to the oscillator (which was/is a possibility). the switch went so smoothly and he responded wonderfully!

today, we woke up and, as our everyday routine, we went to the hospital. as i was signing us in at the counter in the nicu, i looked into his pod and noticed something very different. since i am in that pod all day, every day, i notice any change whatsoever. today, i noticed a change. the ventilator was turned off. what a bummer. my heart sank immediately and the first thought that came to my head was, "man, they had to put him back on the oscillator". however, as i looked closer, i noticed that the oscillator was nowhere to be seen. my eyes focused in on this new machine...a machine i hadn't seen before. all of these thoughts happened so fast in my head and jeramy was already in his pod talking to his nurse. as i walked toward his room, the thought came to my mind..."c pap?" right as i thought it, i heard jeramy say, "he's on c pap!!" for those of you who are not familiar with that word, that means that he is not intubated anymore!!! i couldn't believe it. after all, it was just yesterday that they decided to switch him to a regular ventilator. as it turns out, they started the c pap last night around 10:00. it has been almost 24 hours and he is still holding his own on it. this means that gavin is doing a ton of the work right now. he is able to breathe on his own with a little assistance. he has this little mask on and he even gets to lay on his tummy! when he was intubated, they couldn't move him very much so this makes me so happy because i imagine that he is so much more comfortable! so, it got me thinking, "what is this ventilator still doing here by his bed??" well, as is common in the nicu (especially with micro-preemies), they oftentimes will switch babies to a new machine as a "trial" and usually have to go back to their old machines once or even more in order for their lungs to mature/develop more. so...there is this table with all of the medical equipment neccessary to re-intubate our child, if need be. it is laid out in such an organized fashion that terrifies me. i do not want him back on those machines. i do not want him intebated. there is nothing worse than seeing your child in what i can only imagine is a very overwhelming and scary state. also, when he is intubated, they have to give him more sedation. i hate that part too. my heart wants him to be off as many things possible, especially the things that can cause long term side effects. when we left the hospital this evening, they were keeping a very close eye on him and even turned the ventilator back on at one point, as it looked like they were going to reintubate him. but...he pulled through that little rough patch and i plead with you for your prayers...

• please pray specifically for gavin that he can maintain on his own while on the sipap
• please pray for his lungs. although he has made the switch from ventilator to ventilator over the past 2 days, his lungs are still the same that they were, he is just getting stronger so, right now, he has strength to take breaths. so, pray for continued strength.
• as gavin comes off the second round of steroids, he will need even more strength and maintenance with his breathing and it becomes a bigger risk of him going back to the ventilators.
• also, while he is on c pap and is not intebated, we can do kangaroo care, which means i can hold him. we aren't there yet as they want to see him stabilize on the c pap....but we're so close i can almost feel him. please pray he can maintain. i long so much to hold my little boy and i feel like i'm almost there......

God, when i was growing up, i knew you were big. but i didn't know HOW big You were. as i drive to and from the hospital, i cannot help but look at your creation...the intricacies, the magnitude, the beauty. i have NO DOUBT that You are bigger than this. You are bigger than medicine and You are capable of healing my son in a way that can ONLY be described as a miracle. shame on me for ever doubting you...as a friend told us on saturday, amidst our suffering, "one thing he knows to be true is that, no matter what, GOD IS GOOD....."

this too shall pass

so things have been up and down. more down than up in this turbulent time of life with a child in the NICU, but God continues to sustain us. i try to remember to take each day, not even day by day anymore, but more 5 minutes at a time. in difficult times, life seems to be much more managable when you approach it in those increments. i love reading the posts on facebook and the continued commitment to pray for us and for gavin. one particular comment on tracee's page came from one of her teacher friends that i loved reading. she told us that she just kept having this reoccuring theme: this too shall pass.
it was so timely for tracee and i, and a fantastic reminder of the cyclical nature of life. there are peaks and valleys. there are extreme highs and devastating lows. for most of our marriage, we have experienced some real adversity. you might be thinking "most of their marriage? they haven't even been married that long!" and you are correct! we have experienced several hospital stays, a house move, a job change for me, financial difficulties and of course; an ongoing trauma with our first child...all in the past 10 months. counselors say that any one of these things can be huge stressors in life and we've had em all. So, due to the cyclical nature of life, we are anticipating that year 2 will be phenomenal!
ok, so as i was meditating sunday afternoon on what tracee and i have gone through over our short but never-a-dull-moment marriage, i came back to that wonderful reminder that this too shall pass.
i had tickets with some guys at work to go to the suns first playoff game on sunday night, so i made the determination that i should go and try and get some normalcy back. so i headed to the game. as we got settled in, i noticed that there was no one sitting in front of me. i didn't think much about it, other than i thought it was great that at a playoff game that should be completely sold out - no one was there to block my view. as the game went on and the suns struggled i started to people watch a bit. i happened to notice a girl 2 rows in front of me with a tattoo across her shoulders. it said something but i couldn't make it out as her hair was covering most of it. as the game progressed, i began to see that the first word said "this" and then that the last word became visible as "pass".
ok, i'm real intrigued now. i honestly don't think i could tell you much of what the 3rd quarter looked like as i attempted to decode the rest of this tattoo. i became pretty convinced as her hair would move from side to side that this girl's message to me said: this too shall pass. sure enough, it did. i couldn't believe it! of all the people who could sit 2 rows in front of me in a huge arena, this girl does. in a sold out game, nobody sat in front of me so that i could see this girl's back. at this point i was texting tracee to tell her what was happening, but i really wanted a good picture of the whole thing so i could show her and encourage her but her hair was in the way and had been the whole game. as i pulled my phone out to take the best picture i could, she reached her hand around her head and pulled her hair in front of her shoulder; out of the way. it was amazing. here it is...

God delivered a message to me using these 2 women. there is no such thing as a coincidence. God is good. He knew i needed to hear and see that. God may not speak audibly as in the Old Testament times, but He certainly spoke through these circumstances. i hope you find this as encouraging as we did!

jeramy

pushed to the edge

let me start with the good news: tracee's headaches are much improved and she is slowly on a better path to recovery. she is still real tired and wiped out from much activity on her feet but that is to be expected. in fact, i think the only headaches she gets now are from crying. she had one of those yesterday.
we had a consult with the neonatologist and one of the nurse practitioners about what their plan of attack might be over the next 24-48 hours yesterday morning on the phone. they explained to us that they wanted to go over any questions we might have about gavin's lungs and what their plan of attack was going to be since, once it was time, they would need to act quickly if gavin's body was showing he needed additional support. let me stop right here and explain that because of just how poor and sick gavin's lungs are and have been, they wanted to give him a steroid to help improve function. gavin's urine output had decreased significantly and he had put on a lot of fluid weight which made him look puffy. his blood pressure was low and his heart rate was high. there was concern that he might be fighting an infection that was causing all of this (his cultures haven't shown to be growing anything)but they just couldn't tell.
After getting off of the phone with them, tracee and i spoke and understood that they may be calling us but we didn't expect a call anytime soon. we went to lay by the pool for a while. a few hours after our initial phone call with them, we got a call from the dr. that they wanted to go ahead and meet at 6:30 to go through everything with us because we had reached that time to go ahead and talk about giving the steroid. of course, tracee and i had been praying that we would never reach that point and that gavin's lungs would RESPOND! turns out that they didn't and so tracee and I got cleaned up and made our way to the NICU. when we got there his vitals weren't great and so we discussed the plan again. we agreed that the steroid was the best possible option for gavin but that it is very rare to be given in babies his age. normally babies that are 4 months old would get this type of boost. we were told he would be getting a very low dosage and that should help protect him against potential risks such as cerebral palsey and decreased IQ. they went ahead and administered the steroid about 7ish and we hung around for about 20 minutes to see how things would begin to go. the dr. explained to us that it would take several hours for it to begin to show signs of improvement and that if we didn't see any positive results we would address it again about 6 hours later. we cried. we prayed. we asked God to shine His face upon us and to show us His healing and goodness. one of the NNP's cried with tracee and i. she let down the side of his incubator and let us both kiss his little head. what  a precious and unforgettable moment for us. we really like her. she has been taking such good care of gavin. her shift was over at 7pm but she didn't want to leave. i know that in that moment i certainly felt like Abraham going up to the alter; being asked to sacrifice his one and only son.
we had plans to meet the goble's for dinner and decided to do so because we were teetering on the edge as it was and needed their wisdom and Godly encouragement. as we sat at dinner and cried and shared our emotions; our prayers and hopes were with gavin. tracee felt responsible as if this is her fault he came so early. i felt like everytime we cried out to God for His healing touch on our boy, it was to no avail. our ultimate fear is to lose our son and we both had to acknowledge that and confess that to God out loud. He already knew in our hearts what we were feeling but i know for me i was so afraid to go there because it just seems like that was/is going to be the outcome. we stopped by the goble home after dinner to grab some pillows and clothes to wear as we stayed in a room they had available in the NICU so we could be close to gavin. when we arrived, his night nurse said that he was doing pretty well (considering) and that he had begun to pee which was good. both tracee and i checked on him and i talked to the NNP and she felt like the steroids were working and that he was showing signs of improvement.
we headed to bed - it felt good to be about 200 feet away from gavin at bedtime instead of 30 miles. we prayed as we drifted off to sleep. about 8am this morning we got up to check on him. he had a pretty good night! he pee'd a ton! in fact, on 2 separate occasions, he pee'd so much that he soaked through is diaper and they had to change out all of his bedding! what that really meant was that his blood pressure had improved, his kidneys were working again and his heart rate and saturation rates were much improved. his chest xray from this morning looked better than yesterday but still hazy. this was the move from God we were looking for!
gavin began to do some of the work again and i know that the whole staff was relieved. gavin is the sickest baby in the NICU right now: those were the words of the dr. yesterday afternoon.
we have been pushed to the edge; camped by the red sea with no where to go, looking for God to make a way. He has led us to this place, we PLEAD for a way of escape.
today we are trying to catch up on some rest back at home and hoping that the phone doesn't ring today. they are really going to work at "cautiously being aggressive" for gavin today. pray that they would be able to wean down his oxygen further and that his vitals will allow. we need his little lungs to start working!!!
we can't do this on our own and so we rejoice in the support we get and knowing that you all follow our updates and can get a glimpse of what we are going through. this is by far the hardest thing we have ever had to experience and endure.

jeramy

TGIF?

TGIF! "thank God it's friday" or "thank goodness it's friday" right? i'm not leaning that way today. while that may be the acronym and they've developed a high calorie/high fat restaurant concept around it, it's not what the Williams family is feeling today. gavin has been having a rough couple of days and i got a call from the NICU this afternoon that on his blood tests it looked like he was showing some sort of infection brewing so they have now begun him on an antibiotic to fight that and hopefully calm him down. he has become less resistant to touches and moves of late and that can certainly be due to the fact that the little guy doesn't feel well. in order to keep him more comfortable they have put him on a sedative drip rather than giving it to him every few hours. his lungs continue to be a little more hazy than yesterday and his heart rate remains slightly elevated - probably stress and rightfully so! we are discouraged by this news and as the Psalmist wrote in Psalm 67 "may Your face shine upon us", we are wondering why it seems God has rather been doing the opposite. feelings are delicate. we all have them and they all play into our decision making on some level or another. they can be so good and yet so bad in some cases. i'm just a man, trying to take the best possible care of his family and wanting to do whatever i can to take the pain away from my wife and my little boy and yet there isn't anything i can do.
tracee just got dropped off at the ER at Shea as she is going to have a blood patch procedure done by an anesthesiologist (her doctor's husband) at about 4:30 to try and solve the issue with her horrible headaches. ever since the spinal she was given to perform the C section, she has dealt with major headaches that really leave her incompacitated. the goal is to draw some of her own blood and reinject it into the spinal column and sort of block the leak that is occuring. we are told that this should provide instant relief for her and so we are praying for wisdom for the doctors and surgeons and that it will be a quick and easy procedure and deliver the results we are looking for. my heart goes out to tracee as she wants so desperately to be back to 100% and has been operating at about 30%.
somewhere in the mix i try and work but i tend to get caught up with doing things like this and doing the best i can to manage information that is given to me by doctors, nurses, specialists, etc and then pass it along to our faithful followers and family.
today has been pretty crappy and frustrating to have things happen to tracee and baby. it really is hard at times because most of these things are like the fraction of a percent of a percent deal - and we get hit with them! maybe we should play the lottery?
pray for a continued calm in the storm for us and for our spirits as they have been stepped on so many times along the way. pray for tracee's procedure to go perfect and FIX the problems and the gavin will RESPOND WONDERFULLY to the treatments.
finally, to all of you parents: hug your kids. love on them. tell them that you love them and that you are thankful for them. we can't hold gavin and we can't hug him. we get to tell him through some plexiglass that we love him and are thankful for him but it's just not the same is it? you never know what you have until you don't have it. so...when your kid is crying or acting up or running when they shouldn't - just stop and be thankful for their ability to do so. thank God for those good and perfect gifts.

jeramy

this hurts

there's this video that is out on Youtube that depicts this guy who has an encounter with God and God is slowly chipping away at him with a hammer and chisel. In fact, I think the video is called "God's Chisel." when God starts hammering away, the guy reacts in pain. i'm that guy right now. this all really hurts. my son, gavin, isn't doing as well this morning. just when we think he is beginning to turn the corner and do better, he takes a step back. i know that i say over and over again that his lungs are immature but they are! he is in this place now with the dr's and the nursing staff that they aren't sure if his heart is contributing to his lungs or if his lungs are contributing to his heart, etc. he has a valve that is open (all babies do) that is pushing blood into his lungs, perhaps, and they really want to see if that will close on it's own. babies born at a normal gestation have that valve naturally close. oh God have mercy and grace upon our family and little gavin!
please pray specifically that he would digest his food as the plan is to continue to increase his feedings even though he isn't getting it all the way through. please pray for this PDA valve to close if it is open and that his heart and lungs would stabalize and relax. please pray that there would be NO lung or heart damage as our little kiddo is working so hard. i feel a little disconnected today. i hate it. i continue to think about Scripture and about God's unfailing love and i turn to that now. please pray for tracee and i and our marriage.
"i am laid low in the dust, preserve my life according to your word." Psalm 119:25. this verse sums up how i'm feeling as i am face down on the ground pleading with God for healing and that he would preserve gavin's life according to His word.

jeramy

f.e.a.r.

i've been told that a good acronym for FEAR is false expectations about reality. i woke up this morning feeling fearful about gavin's future and what kind of progress he is really making. tracee and i prayed on the way to the hospital this morning as our normal routine is for us to carpool and drop her off and then for me to head on to work from there. the Bible is so clear that there is a supernatural and spiritual world/realm that is going on all around us that so often we aren't aware of. from time to time i find myself getting attacked with anxieties and fears and try hard to quickly pull my mind out of those dark places. truth be told, gavin is showing signs of doing well from the reports we get from the dr's and nurses. that truth, sometimes, has a difficult time reaching my heart and mind. he has sick lungs still and the feedings that they have re-introduced into his body are slowly making their way through his bowels but he really needs to poop! as a daddy, and more importantly as a statistics guy, i get obsessed by the numbers and the stats. this is why i love my wife so much because she is the balance i need; to be with gavin at times like this when i get unsure. i got a message from a friend this morning saying "know that you guys are being prayed for, even at times when you can't bring yourself to pray. we have faith and hope on gavin's behalf, even when you guys feel despair. praying for peace for you today."
i was so encouraged by this. i needed this. so, i thank you all for doing this for us and for gavin, behind the scenes when we are unaware. i told tracee that i had heard that it takes about 60 days or so to form a new habit. we know that gavin will be in NICU probably up until his original due date of July 6th. that means that he will spend the first 3 months of his life away from us, but forcing us to pray and deepen our faith and go to God and to the Bible for answers. God is clearly forming new habits in tracee and i.
i have always struggled with fears and anxiety - on various levels. some have been warranted, others not, but regardless they have been there. this journey we are now on has changed my perspective on so many things and helped me try and take life more in stride. every little thing that happens isn't the end of the world!
on a very cool note, we had a realtor forum at work today and our president was in town to give the presentation to them about rates and programs, etc. she happened to mention that my wife had given birth to a 1 pound 3 ounce baby that we are so thankful for. a realtor who was sitting in front of me turned around and said "i've been praying for you guys!" she later confirmed that it was indeed gavin and went on to tell the room about him and how she knew about him and our story through a friend of hers that knows my mother-in-law Karen. what a small world! i felt so encouraged as she shared with me after the meeting that she sits at the computer and reads our story and prays for us. as her eyes began to fill with tears mine did too. some people will say that's just coincidence, but is it? i tend to lean towards God's provision and showing me in that moment that we are cared about and loved and that He continues to watch out for us. I hope this continues to bless you friends.

jeramy

i love my boys!

gosh...it is so nice to be back on the computer and blog again. before i let you all know about our day, i just want to send out the biggest thanks i possibly can to my wonderful, loving husband. he took care of me in a way that i cannot even begin to explain. he kept up with the blog, along with everything else in our life so that i could take care of myself and precious, little gavin. honey...you are my rock. i fall in love with you more and more every day and i thank GOD that He placed you in my life. you have been such a Godly leader. i hope gavin grows up to be just like you.

last night, one of the night time nurses was going to attempt to put a picc line in gavin. they would only try one time and if it wasn't successful, they would try again in a couple days so he wouldn't be too agitated. she was able to place it on his leg and it was perfectly inserted the first time! what an answer to prayer! because they have the picc line inserted now, they were able to take out one of his umilical lines and tomorrow, they will remove another. what a huge blessing. our poor little guy has so many cords and tubes coming in and out of his teeny little body that it is so nice to see a couple of them coming out.

jeramy went back to work today so, since i am unable to drive, he took me to the hospital on his way. when we got there, we were told that they had already done his head ultrasound and his chest x-ray. they would have the results for us by the afternoon. so we waited...

meanwhile, jeramy went in to work and my mom came to stay with me. we did not stay at the hospital though because i had her take me across the street to the doctor's office. i have been having bad headaches when i stand up. they go away instantly when i lay down and when i explained this to the doctor's office, they wanted to see me right away. when i got there, they saw that my blood pressure was still pretty high so they drew some more labs. it could be one of two things, either postpartum preclampsia or a problem with the spinal they gave me prior to my c-section. if it is the problem with the spinal, they will do a blood patch over that spot under anesthesia. go figure...we can't catch a break it seems! we will keep you posted...

when we returned to the hospital from the doctor's office, we were greeted with amazing news...his head ultrasound looked good! if there was something wrong, they rate the problem on a scale of 1-4, 4 being the worst. they rated gavin at less than a 1 (more like a zero). go gavin! that may be the only time that mom will be okay with you scoring a zero on a test, kiddo! i immediately called his daddy to share what God had done and we cried and cried. what a mighty God we serve!

his lungs still look rather hazy on the x-ray so we can continue to pray specifically for that...poor little guy. he just needs strong, clear, healthy lungs!

i spent the rest of the day with my little boy, placing my hands on him, calming him when he became agitated, singing to him, and praying with him. we were joined by jeramy later in the afternoon for his diaper change...jeramy got to change his diaper for the first time. he did wonderful maneuvering around the various cords and, as jeramy put it, "having a 6'2. 200 pound man" trying to change this little one's diaper through two small holes in his incubator was a bit of a challenge!

all in all, it was a wonderful day. gavin is resting as they are trying to keep him as calm and relaxed as possible. i can't wait to see him tomorrow morning. thank you so much for praying for our family as often as you do. we truly believe in the power of prayer and we know that God is at work. we appreciate your continued prayer for gavin's lungs, that they would become more clear and that they would open up more. God has showed us His hand numerous times in these last weeks and we have confidence that He will continue to heal gavin. you all are the best. thanks again!

i have the best life ever...and i love my boys!

1 Peter 5:10-11
And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power forever and ever. Amen.

one foot in front of the other

my folks met us down at the hospital yesterday morning and tracee and i had a chance to talk to the dr's and nursing staff about what had happened the night before. we started to feel more comfortable about the nature of what happened with gavin's breathing tube and that he was never truly without oxygen. his tube is the smallest possible tube they have and so naturally, at times, mucuous or saliva can coat the tube and restrict air or they can dislodge their tubes and this happens occasionally. some encouragement for us was that at one point they had is oxygen level all the way up to 100% but when we showed up it was down to 45%. after spending a couple of hours with gavin and my folks, they took off and we decided to go grab a bite to eat and come back for his 2pm diaper change and touch time. when we came back it was also time for his afternoon xray. they have been keeping a close eye on his lungs and have been looking for them to open up. well, just about 10 minutes after his touch time and xray his heart rate began to drop as well as his oxygenation rate. we obviously started to get worried as things were dropping pretty quick. there were about 5 nurses and respiratory therapists around him when one of the nurse practitioners came in and said "you've got to turn down his oxygen levels, his lungs are hyperinflated and it's squeezing his heart and pushing his diaphragm down." i thought about the word hyperinflated for a minute and knew it wasn't a word we had heard yet relating to gavin. i wanted to make sure i knew what i thought she was saying: his lungs had opened up! after they got things dialed down, he came right back in line and was doing great again. she pulled us into her office to take a look at the xray. it was literally a night and day difference between his 4am chest xray and his 3pm one. his earlier one was real white and hazy and the new one was beautiful! thank you God! from that point on, gavin was fairly active and they all attributed it to the fact that he was probably feeling much better now that his lungs were opened up. they gave him some more sedation to keep him comfortable and after spending about 5 hours in the NICU with him yesterday, we called it a day.
as we drove home we praised the Lord for leading us one step at a time and for giving us great news. thank you to all who have been praying specifically for what we have been asking God for. after having such a horrible night on friday night we made a tough decision to just not call the NICU and to trust in the Lord and pray, and know that if anything concerning was going to happen that the NICU would call. we phoned in this morning and were greeted with news that gavin had a pretty uneventful night and that his lungs continued to look good and they were working to ween his oxygen levels down even further - they now had them down to about 38%. yeah!!! once again the Lord showed Himself faithful to us as we really just had to trust in Him. and He delivered. for both of us, He is really teaching us to be reliant on Him and that He is the one in control. neither tracee nor i can adequately provide for gavin in his condition, so we trust and entrust.
we went to church at SBC and then headed over to the NICU afterwards. tracee and i got a chance to participate in gavin's touch time today! tracee helped change his diaper - which was poopy :-), and i was able to wipe his little eyes and dab his little mouth. it was very special for both of us. the neonatologist gave us an update on his condition. he continues to get little blood transfusions and they continue to keep him sedated to keep him comfortable. he remains on his course of antibiotics but still everything looks as if he does not have any infections. we were notified that they will plan to put in a PICC line this evening and that will serve as his new main line. please pray for this as it is fairly major for these little guys. there are some potential complications with infections and the fact that they have to look for a "big" vein. that simply means there isn't much margin of error with gav as he is so tiny.
finally, he will receive a head ultrasound tomorrow at some point and they will be checking for any major brain bleeds. please, please pray for NO bleeds and fantastic news for us and for him!!! this is probably one of the biggest prayers we have needed to this point. they are all important but this is really big! so the 2 major items on the prayer list right now are the PICC line and the head ultrasound. please continue to pray for peace for us and for wisdom of the medical staff attending to him 24/7. everytime we see him and get a chance to participate in little activities with him, we love him even more. for all of you parents, i know you understand what i mean.
someone left this on our blog as encouragement and it is spot on for where we stand: “Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.” (Mark 11:24)
we believe and trust that you do too. Savior; He can move the mountains, our God is mighty to save, He is might to save.
we are looking forward to bringing you wonderful news of gavin's ultrasound and successful PICC line!

jeramy

discharged and blue

this will be quick. tracee was discharged from the hospital yesterday afternoon which was a huge blessing! we were so glad to get home and begin to rest in our own house and yet torn because we had to leave gavin. we know that he is in the best possible hands as at his size and stature there is nothing tracee and i could possibly do for him. we had a pretty good afternoon here at home and evening - gavin was tolerating his feedings and was receiving his first blood transfusion and all looked ok as of 7:30 when tracee had called. about 11ish we decided to call over to the NICU to check on gavin before bed. when we spoke to the nurse she informed me that he had begun to turn blue and that he must have either dislodged his breathing tube or had a lot of secretions in the way that was blocking it. the oscillator wasn't moving his little belly the way it should. i asked to speak to the dr. after she informed me that he was now returning back to stable. the dr. spoke to us and told us that he had been able to act pretty quickly but that there is no way to tell at this point if any damage had been done to gavin's body. we will have to wait until they do an ultrasound of his brain at about 7 days of life. all kinds of thoughts and emotions began to run through our bodies as we pondered all of this and took it in over the phone. the dr. was so clinical with us calling gavin "the infant." he's our son, he has a name. i was reading in Hebrews 11 this morning about faith. we must believe with conviction that gavin will be healed and that NO damage was done to his body over this!!! "now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
this is what we stand on this morning! we have to remain confident and sure in what we hope for for gavin. for whatever reason the nights are ridiculously hard for us. things seem to get out of control at night and he has his dips during these times. please pray hard for protection over him and for us.
last night we were hit with another blow in an attempt to shake our faith once again. but tracee and i are holding each other tightly and trusting in the living God who heals and still performs miracles on an ongoing basis!
be in prayer with us and pray that today is a really good day and that his lungs begin to take on a whole new ability. we love him more than anything.

jeramy

rain, rain go away

i heard that the weather was nice today. from the window i didn't see any rainclouds or evidence of wet streets, but in here, we were singing that little rhyme "rain rain go away, come again another day." tracee woke me up this morning at 5:50 scared about some twitching she was experiencing due to a mild epileptic condition that she has. she hasn't had any issues in about a year but they are brought on by stress, fatigue and anxiety. hmmmm...have we had any of that? i need to be better about making sure she gets the rest she needs but quite frankly i was so excited to be getting her back to normal that i didn't think much about it. so we shut it down hard core here today - no visitors, and signs posted on the door stating "mom sleeping." her and i both did so. i was able to lay in bed with her today and both of us got the best sleep we have had in weeks. even though we won't be bringing gavin home with us, we are excited to begin to get some things back to normal and having a chance to live again.
it looks like gavin will continue to be on the oscillator for another week or so but they were able to bring down some of his oxygen levels through that machine and still keep his oxygenation rate in the range they want which is exciting for us! he isn't on any more dopamine and was able to get his first feeding today (as i said, a micro amount) and that seemed to go ok. they only introduce food to their little guts at this age to begin to get them ready for some real nutrition later on. tracee was able to provide his feeding! she was able to get a couple of mL's into a bottle but that is all it takes! a couple of nurses were telling me how adorable they thought he was and i agree. :-)
one of the moms in there today was telling me about her baby who is one of gavin's podmates. he is 36.5 weeks old now but was born at 26.2 and was 2.5 pounds. he now weighs 5lb.14oz. although he wasn't really growth restricted like gavin, it is exciting to see how much he has grown and that he is in a position to go home in a few weeks after being in there since January 26th.
gavin remains under the spotlight and his lungs are still hazy on the xrays, but we remain steadfast in the Lord and rejuvenated by those who provide scripture to us and words of encouragement. i pray over his little giraffe incubator everytime i go and visit him. every little detail about him is perfect. God didn't make any mistakes. He is now using gavin to grow tracee and i. my son is ministering to us and that isn't exactly how we had planned it. nevertheless, we desire to just take it day by day. you can specifically pray for his lungs to open up some more and that he will continue to tolerate his feedings. you can pray for his blood pressures and an upcoming blood transfusion that he will most certainly need. you can pray for tracee's improved health as we begin to approach a discharge date and time. you can pray for rest for me and calm in the storms of my family. thank you dear friends and others that we don't know who read, it is an encouragement to us.
God bless you all.

jeramy

catching some rays

today was a much better day than yesterday. thank God!! we really needed that and He delivered. today i had a chance to take my dad into the NICU to see gavin and then tracee's sister aimee was able to come by and see him as well. about that time they placed him under a special light to help give him some color back as he has started to become a bit jaundiced. so gavin is catching some rays for the next couple of days under the light. he continues to stay sedated so he remains quiet and content and they can treat him the way they need to without him being too upset. they started a round of antibiotics on him today too as a precautionary measure. my brother josh stopped by this evening and we all went in as that was my first time to see him under the light. he has a cool little pair of "sunglasses" on to keep the light out of his eyes. he is adorable! tracee and i just keep admiring him and saying how beautiful he is. we thought his hair was much darker than it is, but under the light you can really tell that it's a bit lighter. today was exciting for us as they were able to ween gavin off of dopamine (used to help raise his blood pressure)and then he can begin his feedings. they have placed a tube down to his stomach to slowly see how that will go. please pray that he will tolerate this as his little gut is so immature. he is going to get a whopping 1mL every 6 hours of breast milk!
tracee is getting back to normal as she was able to get her IV out today and she is starting to walk around which is awesome. she was able to take a shower a bit ago and i know that makes her feel better. it was special for tracee to get to spend some time in the NICU with gavin all by herself today. she was over there for about 45 minutes with him - so glad she could have some mommy/son time :-) we have been told time and again that this process will be 1 step forward and 2 steps back. i think we are starting to get an understanding of that but we continue to pray and have you pray for more steps forwards than backwards. God doesn't make mistakes and He knew exactly what He was doing in gavin's timeline. we have to continually remind ourselves of that. please pray for the NICU dr's and nurses as they pour into our little one.
thank you to those who have helped with meals, it is so nice to have food brought in and just one less thing to think about. we are still asking that visitors hold off from visiting for another day as tracee tries to get the rest she needs and me too! i have slept very little of late and need to be refreshed for both tracee and gavin. "in the day of trouble i will call to You, for You will answer me. for You are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God." Psalm 86:7,10
go suns!!

jeramy

i'm humbled

i'm trying to write this right now and i have to stop and lean my head back against the wall and stare to the Heavens as i look for composure. i'm choking back tears as i type this very moment. when we discovered that there were complications and issues we would have to overcome, we decided in that moment that we would give God all of the glory and prayed that these circumstances would draw people close to Jesus. we are seeing that unfold before our very eyes. as i check facebook or read the comments on the blog, i am unable to contain myself. scripture tells us that the words of the Lord are sharper than any 2 edged sword, able to separate bone from sinew (paraphrase) and that is absolutely true. i am cut to the core as i read some of the responses and posts from you all. my life will never be the same. i don't have much else to say; other than thank you. please continue to post and to share with us all what God is doing in and through you during this time.
tracee is recovering slowly but surely and that is encouraging and a blessing to me. on another note, my dad called today to let me know that my mom was admitted to scottsdale thompson peak hospital this afternoon with an unknown GI issue but that it could possibly be colitis or a bad bacterial infection. so, i've got both my wife and my mom on morphine in 2 different hospitals at the same time. it really just is what it is. we are praying for 24 hours of good news, taking it 1 day at a time.

jeramy

4/5/10, 8:11, 11.5, 540 and a bunch of other numbers

gavin james williams was welcomed into the world by a NICU staff of 5, 3 doctors and an anesthesiologist - oh and tracee and i of course. i did my best impression of paparazzi with a flip in one hand and our camera in the other. it was hard to do that and hold tracee's hand at the same time. nevertheless he made his entrance at 8:11pm last night on april 5th. it's an unbelievable experience. to everyone out there that is a parent and has witnessed a c section delivery before you understand. but for us, witnessing it at the minute level that we witnessed it is something else. i remember thinking and probably saying "he's so small." and he is. 1 lb. 3oz. and 11.5 inches long. this kid is awesome. he is doing pretty darn good if i don't say so myself and i was obviously reassured by the doctors and the team of NICU staff that said so themselves. one really cool thing that gavin did was pee all up the respiratory staff member's arm as they laid him on his incubator bed in the OR. this is super special to me because when i was born, just before they weighed me, i peed all over the nurse! like father like son. once they got him all situated in the NICU with making sure his tubes were in the right places, i was able to come out and talk to our families. it was so great having them here as support. i got to ring the baby chime to celebrate gavin's entrance!
after getting everyone updated and showing them some pictures, i went down to visit with tracee. she was at rest and somewhat out of it (understandably) but i was able to show her some pictures and rejoice with her over our new bundle of joy. we prayed and thanked God for him. i said goodbye to our families and sent them in to say goodnight to tracee. we were privaleged to have bill and amy cavness with us. they continue to support and provide counsel to tracee and i and we love them very much.
after they all left i went down to check on gavin one last time and wish him a goodnight too. since they were pretty happy with his vitals and numbers we are pretty happy.
i just want to drive home the continued plea for prayers for gavin. the first week is very critical in terms of potential brain bleeds and other complications that might come up. the doctor came in today (one of the neonatologists) and explained what is going on for gavin. babies can sometimes have a honeymoon stage for the first couple of days where they appear to be doing better than they are. we STAND FIRM in God's provision and TRUST that He will continue to cup gavin in His hands and get him through this most critical time. pray for his health and safety!! pray fervently friends. tracee and i have been brought to tears so many times over posts to the blog that you have left and for messages on fb, via text and emails.
"we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 2:8-9.
more to come.

jeramy

7:30pm

baby gavin is on his way in less than an hour. please pray for the Lord's provision and for the perfect care that we know He will provide.
we are getting tracee all prepped now and i'm just about to get a bite to eat and get my mind right before we head in. the nurses are keeping tracee's spirits up and i'm doing my best as well. parenthood is upon us and then we will begin our next part of the journey: recouperating tracee and nurturing baby gavin.
thank you to all -

jeramy

the question

"to be or not to be, that is the question" as we have all heard it.
well for us it has become to deliver or not to deliver: that truly is the question. right now we have some medical debate over whether it is time or not and it continues to put tracee and i back to placing our hope and trust in the Lord. baby gavin scored another 8of8 on his biophysical profile today. he had the hiccups on the ultrasound :-). both tracee and he have been lethargic due to the medicines she has been on as we balance the progression of gavin in the womb and the preeclampsia in tracee. this is so hard for us, i won't even begin to sugar coat the ups and downs we have experienced for several weeks now and especially in the last week since we have been in here. we know that your thoughts and prayers continue to go out to us and for us and we are forever grateful for that. our thought has been that we feel privelaged that this circumstance has caused so many people to cry out to God and to pray for us and for gavin. we know that God has purpose in all He does and if people have drawn closer to Him in this time, amen. we are tired. from air mattresses that continue to deflate in the middle of the night to tracee trying to find a comfortable place being hooked up to any and everything, makes it quite challenging.
the weather looks like it's nice out there but i wouldn't know. neither tracee nor i have been outside since saturday. if i never hear another blood pressure monitor beep or an IV pump chirp when it's empty, I'll be ok. obviously you can sense some frustrations; it's just me being real.
if there are things that i'm not addressing or any questions or concerns that you might have, please leave us a comment on the blog and i'll do my best to address it. like so many psalmists did, they rattled off complaints and frustrations and then always made sure to end with acknowledgement of the Lord. i will do the same. it's so nice to know that we have a paraclete, a helper who goes before us and prepares a path and defends us in our time of need. He hears the cries of His children and He fights for us.

jeramy

poked and prodded

so i am pretty sure that this is a cattle phrase, however that is exactly what tracee has been going through over the past 15 hours. her symptoms with the preeclampsia took a bit of a turn late last night and her blood pressure started moving north of 200/100. the concern for tracee's health pushed the dr's forward with a number of medicines to combat the high blood pressure and to slow down what was, in that moment, "a possible imminent delivery." our families rushed down to join us sometime after 10:30 and we hung out until about 11:30 to find out that delivery was now being pushed to the back burner as the medicine had brought her blood pressure back in line. the medicine worked so well in fact that her blood pressure did a complete 180 and was now on the low end of the spectrum. she was put back on constant fetal monitoring as they anticipated that the medicine would make gavin sleepy and lethargic, just as it did to tracee. i am so proud of tracee and the little trooper she has been in all of this to lay in that bed and take the needles and the monitoring and the medicines, etc. all in the name of protecting our family's health. we continue to covet your prayers as we celebrate Easter Sunday here in the hospital. one of the doctors from phoenix perinatal came in with another doctor today to discuss what had occured with tracee and baby over the last bit of time. they seemed relieved to see us in the position we are in now and thankful that they didn't have to pull the trigger and deliver last night. we are so thankful for each and every morning that comes as it spells a new day and one more day that gavin gets to spend in the womb. i prayed that God would place His hand on tracee and that He would hold gavin in His hands at that very moment and i feel that He delivered in that moment. the dr's explained to us this morning that things can change very quickly as we witnessed last night. we are trying to do some quick visits with family today but from here on out we are asking that no one stop by and visit. tracee and gavin need their rest and we need to leave room for the dr's and the nurses to do what they need to do.
we love and thank you all for continuing to read the blog and pass it along and keeping us in your prayers. songs come to my mind each and every day. this morning: God is good all the time, He put a song of praise in this heart of mine. He sustains.

jeramy

the NICU

jeramy here. a couple of days ago we had a chance to visit the NICU and meet and greet the team and get a tour of what's to come. one of the neonatologists was there to greet us along with one of the NICU's chief nurses. the neonatologist that met us had also done our neonatal consultation on tuesday and gave us a pretty good idea of what to expect for babies born at 26 weeks. things like their sucking reflexes haven't really kicked in yet and the front of their eyes are there but the nerves that reach out to attach to the retina have yet to do so and that will still take some time.
the NICU is broken into 5 different pods and there are 4 beds to a pod. they walked us down to the first pod to give us a glimpse of what the "bigger" babies look like. these babies are about 4-5 pounds or so. as you move further down the line, the babies get smaller and smaller. God becomes even more real in that moment as you comprehend how He cares for the little ones as the Scriptures describe.
we felt very confident in the NICU and know that gavin will get excellent care. there are so many people in there and they all have a specific job. these guys know what they are doing. the neonatologist loves his job and didn't skip a beat when explaining things which made tracee and i extremely confident. i might have mentioned this before but gavin's "go home" date will be based off of his original due date which is july 6th. so you all can do the math but we are looking at about a 3 month stay in the NICU for gavin. can this really be happening? i say that because when we stop and really think about it, it seems so surreal as if it isn't really happening to us.
we keep praying towards april 13th (28 weeks) and that he would put on some more weight between now and then. we covet all of your continued prayers and "we wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. in Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name." Psalm 33:20-21.

please continue to read the blog and pass it along to others. while we love to get visitors we need to limit visit times to about 20-25 minutes and please no medical questions about what is going on as we will do our best to provide all of that information here. that way you guys can bring as much normalcy inside this hospital room as possible. we love you and thank you.


jeramy

getting back online

so i, jeramy/hubby have been designated to take this part of our journey over at this point to give tracee some time to continue to relax and focus on what is most important right now: taking care of baby gavin and tracee.
as a rule of thumb moving forward we are asking that each and every person read our blog first before coming to visit. when people are here we aren't going to answer medical related questions as it is too much to repeat and re-repeat ourselves over and over again regarding the health of tracee and gavin. please pass this blog on to any and everyone who would like to know our status and this will serve as the most up to date information and a way that people can continue to pray for us and love on us.
let me start where we left off - or if not, this is the best you guys are gonna get ;-):
monday afternoon we had our scheduled ultrasound at phoenix perinatal. earlier before this appointment at 4pm, tracee had gone over to see her o.b. and get her urine checked as well as her blood pressure. tracee called me just before 4 to check on my status as i was heading over from work. i met her there and we did our "very regular" weekly ultrasound. the doctor came in (who happens to be tracee's o.b's brother-in-law) and he went over everything with us. he let us know that he started phoenix perinatal back in the day and he was responsible for hiring most of the dr's. who are there. that was very reassuring for us. gavin's biophysical profile was 8 out of 8 again (measures his movement/breathing/fluid levels, etc) go gavin! his recommendation was to do ultrasounds on monday's and thursday's moving forward and continue to chart gavin's growth and do his biophysical profiles to make sure all was well with him. just as all 3 of us had been in agreement about what the plan would be, tracee brought up the fact that her doctor's assistant had called to tell her to mention to the dr. doing our ultrasound that her urine was at a "3+." once tracee gave the perinatologist this information his demeanor changed and he said "oh, ok. well that changes everything then." based on what he now knew, tracee's protein levels in her urine were on the rise and that was a major symptom of preeclampsia. he described preeclampsia like that of a snowstorm. it can come on and be upon you before you even now it. with that information he discussed things with tracee's doctor and decided to admit tracee to scottsdale shea hospital and we have been here ever since. the initial plan was to do a 24 hour urine screen to make sure that they weren't getting false results on what the urine was telling them. about 5:30pm we got over to the hospital and by about 8pm she had begun her testing. in addition to that they hooked gavin up to a fetal monitor to track his heart rate and monitor for contractions and tracee's blood pressure. tracee's doctor came in late that night about 11pm and discussed with us that her thoughts were that this baby was going to be coming to us sooner rather than later and that at this point tracee being released after 24 hours wasn't going to be an option any longer. bummer! however, we knew that this was the best possible place for her to be as we wouldn't have the stress of wondering whether he was doing good or not from home.
that first night was a rough night of sleep. tracee had about 12 pillows on her bed trying to get comfortable. the nurses kept coming in to put her back on her back as they kept losing gavin on the monitor. being stuck on your back and pregnant in an uncomfortable labor and delivery bed was not a good mix. it wasn't any better for me either. i slept on this "slightly padded" bench/couch and got about 2.5 hours of sleep.
tuesday was filled with continued monitoring and blood draws and of course complete bed rest. the dr's and nurses continue to evaluate the best plan of attack for keeping tracee and gavin safe at the same time. tracee's doctor was in on her day off and explained that gavin had done some funky stuff for about a 4 minute period with his heart rate and so she wanted to continue to monitor him to make sure they didn't see anything else like that or a continued pattern that may warrant delivery. continued prayer!
we were greeted with lots of visitors on tuesday and tracee felt compelled to entertain them all and be as good of a host as she possibly could. not only is she doing that for gavin but trying for everyone else. as you can possibly imagine that came to a head and tracee's emotions finally got the best of her in front of most of our family here. that was the signal to shut it down for the night and get to bed about 9pm. i got smart and opted for a blow up air mattress! both of us slept much better - probably tracee even moreso with the ambien. she always gets the good stuff!
bright and early on wednesday morning, tracee's doctor was at our bedside about 6am to let tracee know that the urine results were back: above normal is anything greater than 300 in terms of protein in the urine and she was at a 3815. ok, severe preeclampsia was the continued diagnosis and basically that was what they were now determining was a big contributing factor to gavin's growth restriction and some of the blood flow problems he has been having with his cord. at least at this point we had somewhat of a diagnosis as up until this point gavin had been labeled "a mystery."
Good news on her doctor's visit though - gavin's heart and activity had looked great and her blood pressures had come down and were much improved so tracee was taken off of constant monitoring for gavin and she was now allowed to take a once a day wheelchair trip around the hospital and enjoy a little more freedom! :-)
the nursing staff in addition to the doctors have been amazing and as it turns out, rachel, our 7pm to 7am nurse, is a Christian and prays for us and for baby gavin. thank you Lord for your guidance and provision. we visited the NICU for our tour about 11:30 but i will write about that in a separate post. we were greeted with our first meal being brought to us here in the hospital by some dear friends. thank you! we had a few more visitors last night but in a very relaxed environment. i stepped out for a bit with the boys and grabbed a beer and was able to relax a bit away from the hospital. mel and krystal stayed here with tracee and i know she really enjoyed that time with good girlfriends.
they continue to monitor gavin once every 12 hours to see how he is doing and every time they take him off after about 20-30 minutes as they are seeing everything they want to see!! yeah!! tracee has been doing hydrotherapy in the jetted tub here and continues to take it easy and is doing well. we are so thankful and know that God is walking with us step by step and has a plan. "the Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth." Psalm 145:18.
today has been a pretty uneventful day and we will look to do our wheelchair run here soon and hopefully get her a few minutes of fresh air outside. oh yeah, gavin had his ultrasound here in the hospital this morning and he continues to look great and got a 100% (8 out of 8) again on his biophysical profile test!! that's my boy!
we are turning our focus and our prayers towards getting gavin to 28 weeks as that is a big milestone for little babies in terms of long term health and viability, etc. fyi - that day is april 13th. save the date. and then when we get there, we will give you a new one. :-)
that's it for now (yeah, i know i already wrote a short story novel) but we wanted to try and get everyone caught up. remember to continue to check back and direct everyone to this as the source of information. we love you all.

jeramy