listening

last night, jeramy and i began reading a Christian marriage book together. we decided to sit down over dinner and have a meaningful conversation about marriage and the way that GOD intended it. the book we began reading is called "love life - for every married couple". the idea of doing this meant so much to me and so much to jeramy. it was great to be able to prioritize time like this with one another. we decided to take turns reading it aloud. we chose to do it this way because we heard that as you read something aloud, you can retain much more of its information. i had heard this in a sermon one time..."read the Scriptures aloud". so we began doing just that. i read first...then i kept reading, kept reading, and kept reading. the idea of taking turns was great but there was something that kept me from handing the book to my husband. what the heck!? as jeramy kindly asked to read the next chapter, i felt a sense of hesitancy come over me. i sincerely wanted to equally participate and i was so disappointed in myself for hogging the entire first chapter. then it hit me! i realized that i didn't want jeramy to read because that would mean that i would have to listen. i am one of those people who can retain so much information in things i read....again, things i read. i began to notice that i have awful listening skills!!! so, i handed the book over to my hubby and began to actively listen to the powerful words and Scriptures that he was reading. it was so, so hard! looking back on last night, tons of thoughts began to overtake me! i realized that marriage is also meant to keep me humble! i know that GOD had that come to my attention last night and will use my and jeramy's time together to help grow me. i recognize what He is trying to do. however, even though i recognize what He is going to do during this stage in my life, i feel like i am fighting against my actual willingness to let Him. it's so weird to think that i have been like this my whole life and i am thankful for the obvious reminder to actually fix it. gosh, i really want to fix it.

God, please help me to be teachable. help me have a heart that is open and willing to let You use me, mold me, and show me what it really means to listen...just listen. not interject my own thoughts and feelings because i feel the need to be heard. help me see the power of what might happen if i just listen.