a year in review

on a monday 1 year ago tracee was admitted to the hospital indefinitely as we hoped and prayed that we could keep our baby boy gavin inside as long as humanly possible. tracee's ongoing diagnosis of her pregnancy problems at the perinatologist office located across the street from the hospital finally came to an urgent conclusion: you and your baby are at risk. we need to get you under constant medical supervision.
i think that both tracee and i thought we would be there a while but certainly not with the birth of our son right on our heels. i mean, she was only 26 weeks along - or so we thought. the whole preeclampsia thing was certainly a frustration and a nuisance as it was keeping tracee completely bed ridden. as we consulted with various doctors, it became more apparent that gavin was going to come sooner rather than later. tracee's body wasn't responding well to this pregnancy. i remember the saturday night before she gave birth (April 3rd) with her blood pressure at 220/110 and sicker than a dog on magnesium sulfate - that was rough. it looked like that might be the night to bring gavin into this world. we prayed hard that it wouldn't be as tracee's OB was out of town for Easter and wouldn't be back until monday. we didn't want to do this without her there!  thank God, things settled down and we celebrated Easter in her hospital room with family visits and more meds to control the preeclampsia.
monday rolled around and it was pretty apparent to one of the perinatologists that it was time to get that baby out of there. tracee was battling. she was fighting hard for our unborn son to get as much time in the womb as utterly possible. the call came in from her OB that we would be having a baby later that day. he was set for delivery some time around 7 i think. i could see tracee's condition worsening. i knew the timing of this was essential. several hours before delivery, tracee sat me on the bed and said to me "my body is shutting down." now, if you know my wife that means something. she is a fighter and is one of the toughest people i know. she sensed her life was on the line and i remember feeling the severity of the situation: i could lose both my wife and child.
well....here we are just about a year later. 51 monday's ago gavin was born. it's true what they say - you don't know what you don't know. tracee and i have come to know a lot more than we had hoped or imagined we would. certainly none of it by choice, this wasn't our plan, it was God's. we had a much different plan in mind. we expected to deliver a baby about the same time as my sister did and that those two little boys would grow up within weeks of each other, sharing in every developmental monument along the way, together. but, as you have all witnessed and we have lived, we continue to plug along in our journey of giving birth to, and now raising a micro-preemie.
i have fears. i know tracee has fears. the one thing i have found true in this whole experience has been that there is always a new challenge to encounter and always something new to endure. as the parent of a micro-preemie, i've clung to the success stories and the development paths of others who have endured this same journey. the thing is that gavin is not them and his set of circumstances is very different than any other kiddo we have crossed paths with.
i'll speak for myself: i need your prayers. i need God's miraculous hand to step in and save the day. gavin is still on oxygen. we seem to be moving in the right direction as he grows and develops but it could still be a while before he is completely off. i can't even begin to tell you how much i wan't him off of oxygen. up until about 2 weeks ago, gavin was having a horrible time with reflux. we would spend hours feeding him to have something gag him and then have it all come back up. i remember one day in particular where i fed him 14 ounces to only have 12 ounces end up on me and the couch and him and you get the picture. very frustrating!! he is now taking prevacid and zantac which is helping a ton. please pray for his eating and for his ability to keep his food down and to continue to GROW and DEVELOP. keep praying for gavin's eyes. right now his eye doctor just wants to take a look at him every few months to monitor things, but please PRAY that God would make all things new and all things corrected if there are any issues with his vision!
lastly is his low muscle tone. gavin continues to get physical therapy and early intervention activities with a developmental specialist. he has been making progress but as he is getting older i can see how frustrating it is for him at times to try and do the 'normal' baby stuff. rolling over is extremely hard. lifting his arms up to push his head off the ground is almost impossible right now. he can sit in a supported position with pillows and his boppy, but trying to sit on his own - we aren't there yet. this low muscle tone is a big question mark right now. there are so many potential things that can cause it, but nothing that we are aware of pertaining to gavin. please PRAY that God would intervene and deliver core strength to our son. PRAY that God would heal gavin's body in every way possible and that he would be able to function as a happy, healthy little boy. my heart aches for the desire i have for complete healing for my son. i can't begin to even describe the longing i have for restoration for gavin. maybe i just need to remain patient.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31.

 
i'm not gonna lie. life has been tough for the past few years. even before gavin we went through some difficult circumstances and continue to struggle with the economy and changes to my industry. there are a lot of times where i just want to tap out - send the white flag up the pole - give in and give up. but...the Lord then shows me:

where can i go from your Spirit? where can i flee from your presence? if i go up to the heavens, you are there; if i make my bed in the depths, you are there. if i rise on the wings of the dawn, if i settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Psalm 139:7-10

nevertheless, i'm ready for this season to be over. please please pray for us and think of us. please pray for healing. pray for our finances and for our ability to handle what we have been given. please pray for our marriage and the strengthening of our relationship.
join us in petitioning for God's grace and mercy on us and on our precious boy gavin james:

love, jeramy