Friday, October 29, 2010

point of view

yay!! gavin qualified for ddd (developmental disability). this means that g will be receiving services in our home instead of having to travel to them. these services include physical therapy, speech therapy (they work on feeding goals), and we also get a developmental service coordinator. these three people will come to our house both separately and sometimes together to work with gavin. that's three hours of services each week! praise God! i am so confident that gavin will continue to make progress as we move forward! he's such a rock star. at our meeting on monday, i received a packet of papers for gavin. if there's one thing i have discovered in this process, it's paperwork, paperwork, paperwork......oh, and PHONECALLS! I have taken on a "browse" type approach to the what i deem the "unnecessary fillers" in each of the packets we receive. however, one paper caught my attention this week. it was titled, "welcome to holland". for all of you wondering what it has been like mourning the loss of what "we had originally planned" for ourselves, this article written by a parent in our shoes perfectly depicts what it is like. because as i sit here today......our life is perfect.........just as He had planned it to be.

Welcome to Holland
By: Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with special needs-to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it. To imagine how it would's like this..........

When you're going to have a baby, its like planning a fabulous vacation trip-to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make wonderful plans. The Coliseum, Michelangelo's David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy. I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you'll stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you must meet a whole new group of people you never would have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has a lot to offer. Holland has windmills.....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy.....and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say in your head, "Yes.....I know how great Italy is. I had planned to go there too."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away.......because the loss of that dream is a VERY significant loss. But.......if you spend the rest of your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, very wonderful things.......about Holland.

i just loved that!!! i think it is a great picture of where i am at, personally. gavin is a miracle.....nothing short of it. there is not a doubt in my mind that he will continue to get stronger and stronger. i have faith in a very big God to get us there. however, i know that the road to getting him there is a long one. it is a road that is filled with appointments, therapies, and possible surgeries. my job as his mommy is to do EVERYTHING i can to get as much support for him! the earlier the better! that's exactly what we are doing. and we will continue to do it.....

we, as always appreciate your prayers. and honestly........i ask sincererly for sensitivity. we have very fragile moments. this has been a very tough time for us. although we LOVE our son more than words could ever describe and although we have grown accustomed to this "way of life", we are still mourning the loss of what many consider as "typical" and "normal". thank you for loving on us during our sad days and rejoicing with us during the happy ones. lately, there have been more happy ones. i'd say that's a pretty good thing :)

all my love,

ps. the boys taking a snooze...


  1. I love it! All snuggled up, so sweet! I love the article, too. I think I'll post that on my blog! Thanks for the update and encouragement. Praying for you 3!!
    PS-I know of a great support coordinator and speech therapist we have been using through ddd. I don't know where you're living, but let me know if your current ones aren't a good fit!!

  2. Im so glad you guys are taking time to recognize and mourn the loss of the expectations of having a "normal" pregnancy and baby time. I remember feeling like such a failure as a mom. My very first thing as a mom to grow a healthy strong baby and I couldn't do it. I think people fall into this idea that you have to "buck up" and take on these new unexpected challenges but realistically you can't just bury the pain of these unmet expectations. Good for you guys, super emotionally health, which is hard to be postpartum!
    We had a developmental nurse come to the house and assess our daughter every 3 months and it was awesome, so nice to have services that come to you. And protects Gavin so much from exposure to other kids in those offices. Good for you guys. Continued prayer for healthy growth and development!

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  4. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
    Praise God for the mercies, new every morning.
    Praise God for Godly perspective and peace- not as the world gives.
    We praise you from our knees and sometimes on our faces.
    We love you Father. Thank you for our wonderful daughter, son-in-law and grandson.
    Everything for your purpose Lord.
    Mike and Karen

  5. Dawn Youngker GladdenOctober 30, 2010 at 10:27 AM

    Tracee - I cry for you, I pray for you, think of you often, and talk about your situation to a lot of people. I have been reading your blogs from the beginning, I found them through Stephanie. Thanks for keeping us all posted, we need more pictures of your little miracle - although im sure posting pics is the least important thing in your life. I can barely get any posted and my life isnt as consuming as yours. I am so happy to see you are in love and have a beautiful family. I have a son that was born just a few weeks after Gavins due date, I appreciate him more than I did my older two because of reading your posts. Im sure you didnt want to go to Holland but you are changing peoples lives right at home in so many ways for going.

  6. Remember God never gives us more than we can handle and you two are EXACTLY who and what Gavin needs.

  7. Tracee, this really touched me and I can sincerely say that this puts my journey this past year into empathetic perspective. I can relate to mourning the loss of a dream, but also of dreaming a new dream. Your faith and perspective is greatly encouraging and a blessing. Here's to the journey through Holland and always remember that many are traveling with you. Love, Ms Em