i will praise YOU in this storm

sometimes it is really hard to see God's plan and timing in everything. right now is one of those times. i don't know why i get stressed out about small things when i know that God has never let go of me; however, i still do. i have been heartbroken watching my hsuband deal with so much stress lately, almost daily. the hardest thing, as a wife, is to see your husband going through something and not know how to fix it. i tried...really hard to fix it by myself. but at this point, i know that my job as his wife is to pray pray pray. it is such a weird feeling when things are completely out of your control, yet in some weird way, it is comforting. why is that?? maybe it is because it's a relief to know that i don't need to stress myself out with it. God tells us to cast all our cares on Him. He wants to do this for me. so why do i still feel helpless?? i guess this is a good time to mention that patience is not a gift of mine. i wish that it was. in my heart, i really do trust in God's plan but i can't seem to get myself to wait. we are told to wait on the Lord...wait on His timing. why can't i do it?! i guess i need to pray for myself too. i need to pray that God shows me how to pray for my husband and how to completely give him over to the Lord.

God, i do trust in You. but it is so hard for me!! i ask for your forgiveness in this area of my life...for trying to do it by myself and keeping you out of the equation. please forgive me. i will wait on You.